Deadly Fight?
by Curuia
Summary: Edward gets in a little fight and decides to do something unthinkable and pretends to die. What will that bring? My try at humor,One-Shot.


As I sat on this stupid prop that humans call a hospital bed, I though about how stupid humans are and how stupid our human charade is. Its days like these that I regret having our diet.

"You know Edward, that wasn't very good thinking on your part," said Carlisle as he came into my room. "As soon as Alice was blocking her thoughts you should have known that something was up."

"Yea but those humans needed a real good scare...How is he by the way?"

"Well his hand is broken of course, badly, but what has affected him the most was the thought of killing someone, I bet he's going to be scared for life by the way."

"How did u know though, I though you hated the ambulance shifts? It's a good thing that you did though, or else they wouldn't have brought me to the hospital."

"Well you know Alice being Alice, told me to take the ambulance shift. I though she was crazy but then she told me it was worth it, and one thing I learned over these years, never bet against Alice."

"Emmetts reaction was good I guess, he will never forget this though; I wonder how long it will be till he'll stop teasing me about this "dieing" thing. That's the only down side to this, that and the whole "almost dead/dieing" thing, I hate them both."

O•o•O•o _earlier in the day_ o•O•o•O

Math was boring today, as per usual, or so I thought. The only difference today was that Mr. Dawson, the math teacher, left me in charge of the class for a while as he apparently went and sorted things out with another teacher, leaving us alone with some work to do. He actually left to go chat with some other teachers in the staff room, apparently teaching wasn't really his thing, but what do I care, I probably know more Math then him anyways.

Of course I finished the work (decades ago at that, math theory never changes, well in theory that is,) as I was about to start to compose another piano composition for my Bella, I felt (and smelt) Tommy and his gang advancing and finally standing right in front.

"Yo Cullen!" Tommy practically yelled, grabbing the attention of the class.  
"Hello Tommy, having trouble with those math sheets?" I said with a little sarcasm, gaining laughs from the class.  
"I don't want or need your help. I want to know why you turned down my Rose, my ex. Wasn't she good enough for you? Eh Cullen? You skinny Freak!" said Tommy, trying to intimidate me. I saw trough his facade though, threw all their facades. He and his gang, they where all intimidated by my family and I, but who wasn't.

"So what do you care Tommy? She was, as you just said, your ex, shouldn't you be over her by now?" I politely pointed out.

"We're in complicated relationship right now!" He barked too me.

"So why are you mad that I turned down the girl in your 'complicated relationship'? Wouldn't that mean that you now have an even better chance with her then u did before?" I asked.

"Mind your own business!" Shouted someone in the back of the gang.

"Well technically, I'm the one minding my business, you are the ones asking me personal questions." I stated.

What I saw in his head next shouldn't have but did surprise me. Of course Tommy was that kind of guy whom, if all else failed, called on the muscle. I saw the anger radiate from him and that's when he called out his muscle.

"Hey Steven, get over here, little Cullen here doesn't know how this school works, care to help him out?" Said Tommy as the captain of the wrestling team walked in. He was probably has big as Emmett in a way. His thoughts tipped off Tommys plans.

If my response to Tommys question didn't please him, he would get Steven to come a d beat me up, but even if I answered him the way he wanted, he still would have called on Steven. I found this Tommy kid hilarious. On one hand, he though he was at the top of the world, on the other, the only way for people to stay afraid of him was for him to face the biggest threat in the school, (which was me this time) and "teach him a lesson." If only he would listen to his instincts and back off.

He thought that theoretically, a "scrawny guy" (his thoughts not mine) like me would be easy to scare away with a little "beating." But he didn't know that theory wouldn't apply to a vampire like me. A little hit from this Steven guy, I wouldn't probably even feel anything. A hit from Emmett on the other hand…

As Steven brought his fist back, I was thinking of what I would do. I could take the hit, let them have their fun with my humility, I could not notice that he had hit me, which could lead to them being suspicious of what I am, or I could do something that I would have never done before and have a little fun of my own.

As he hit me, I decided to play dead, literally. I feel to the ground with a huff and didn't move, stop breathing and waited for what was to come.

Because the whole class was watching our little clash, they all erupted in "oh's!!" thinking that Steven had just injured me. I felt bad at the beginning to do this to them, especially the one's who had nothing to do with this, but then lost that feeling when they started congratulating him.

When I didn't get up, someone looked over at me and said, "Is he supposed to not move? What did you do to the poor thing? Is he alive?" I heard some "uh-oh" in the background.

"Well check his pulse! What do you think? Some one, go get a teacher!" Screamed another.

I felt pressure on my neck and heard some more screams. This is going to be funny, now all I need to make sure is that Carlisle can take over all the medical procedures to "bring me back to life." Hopefully Alice saw this coming; maybe that's why she was blocking her thoughts for the past week. A scream brought me out of my thoughts.

"OMG HE'S DEAD! You killed him!" That's all I heard before the girl ran out of the room.

The class erupted in even more screams and I could hear faint sirens in the back. The only thoughts that I concentrated on were the ones of my family. I could hear the panicked thoughts of Jasper until Alice told him what was happening, confirming my theory that she knew. Rosalie's thoughts where as shallow as she was, she wasn't even thinking about Emmett at the moment, which is kind of rare and by Emmett thoughts, Alice had told him beforehand what was happening now so he was congratulating me on finally doing something worth while.

The last thought though was by far the one I was hoping to hear, and thank God I did.

"What the Hell where you thinking?" Was all I was getting From Carlisle. At least it was him and not some random guy who would really think I was dead.

**I wrote this Random One shot on my Ipod last night, the house I was at had no Internet and I was really bored so I figured I would try to write something funny. After re-reading this, I seriously don't find it that funny but what the hey, not everything you do is as good as the last, This one's probably just an Epic Fail but what can you do? **

**You can tell me, sink or swim?thx!**

**("\(o.o)/")**

**Panda says review!**


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